Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
