Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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