yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
