She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He felt like a one man threesome
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
