Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
