I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
