do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
