Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
