It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
