Can Purell be used as lube?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
