There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
