Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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