why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
