You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
