i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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