She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
