idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
