just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize