Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
