I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
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