did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Watching her eat just hurts me
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
