do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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