I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
