he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
