Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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