Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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