turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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