no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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