Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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