I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
