I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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