Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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