I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize