I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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