do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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