people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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