and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Pooping to opera.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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