An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
