Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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