your parents love me but you hate me
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
