She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
