I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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