I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
