There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
