Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
