My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
