I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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