We won't sleep together?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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