Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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