Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
