Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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