i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
