I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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