guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
