Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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