I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize