if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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