I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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