I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
