Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
