The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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