I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
How does it feel to date your dad?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
