Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
