Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
