Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
