I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
