I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
