Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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