Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
