I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
