and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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