My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
