Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
