I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
